Knowledge

During work, Santa and Banta were chatting:

Santa: Banta, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Banta: oh!

Santa: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Banta: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:
Santa: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Banta: No
Santa: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:
Santa: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Banta: No
Santa: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Ghanta Singh is?
Santa: No
Banta: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this.

Best of PJs

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Santa: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


Question: Should Women have Children after 35?
Santa: No!35 Children R More than Enough!!


Teacher: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.


Santa in airplane going 2 Bombay . While its landing he shouted: " Bombay .. Bombay "
Air hostess : "B silent."
Santa: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"



After finishing MBBS Santa started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said: "Torch is okay"

Women

A father came home and found his three children were outside, still in
their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had
been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon , and the family
room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on
the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on
the floor,a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand
was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that
something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of
water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he
found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared
over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his
wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home
from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Ant & Grasshopper

U.S VERSION

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house

and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays

the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food

or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

INDIAN Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house

and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays

the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and

demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed

while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering

Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a

table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this

poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding

that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government

for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the

Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt

support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh"

in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working

hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants

and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian

Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism

Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of

the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in

Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing

left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the

Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by

NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden' .

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly..

.

.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar

company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation

somewhere in India ...

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the

Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he
would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the
priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to
consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price
would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the
exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to
her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights
of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was
horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled
like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He
refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden,


But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said
nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the
reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the
witch answered. Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants?"

She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life."
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth.
And that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was.

The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.
And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared
as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only
half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? She asked him.
"Beautiful during the day .... or at night?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments
with?




(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?


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Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time.
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?

.
.
.

.

.

.

.

.

The moral is...
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.


So, always remember:
IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!! So don't always try to understand

women's mind.. its only her.. no one can calculate the things..

Women Teminology with examples

1. Whatever

Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face

Men: Alright, why don't we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhoea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..


2. Anything

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe' and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. You decide

Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: Ok we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything...

Logic!!

Santa decided to write the MBA exam.

He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, a friend came home.

Friend: Santaji how is your MBA preparation?
Santa: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic.

Next day he sees Banta and he was also preparing for MBA.

Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I dont.
Santa: Saala HOMO!!!